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I’m pretty sure neither Sam or me had any real ideas when we made this. He just picked up a bat and started saying dumb shit. There’s maybe another couple things like this in the editing pipeline, as YouTube is a fan of quantity, not quality. I can not describe what this has done to me psychologically. I have started to feel patriotic in places where I felt no patriotism before. I can confidently say that I’m immune from the ‘500 miles’ effect having lived by Easter road for a couple years, but Glasvegas…a band I used to have such disdain for because they ruined a perfectly good slang term for Glasgow…I’ve been singing that ‘Daddy’s gone’ song for a couple days now and not ironically. I used to think they were just another overproduced band from the overpopulated indie scene of the mid 2000s, I even made fun of the sad nature of it being a daddy issues song. But now I’m listening to it and enjoying it, and even thinking that the guy did an amazing job on the production. The accent being super weegie doesn’t even scratch me, or make me cringe like so many ‘Scottish cringe’ red flags have done so before. What is happening to me? Just a couple months ago I was telling Scotland fans at the six nations how much Scotland never did for me, how much I wanted as a kid to leave and start again somewhere else, somewhere that wasn’t here. Now I’m listening to old Glasvegas songs and actually liking my home country? Be warned : this could be the end of my only shred of personality folks. Check back near New Years Day to see if I’ve got an opinion on the latest ‘Only an Excuse’.

GRAVE SHITTER – MUSIC VIDEO

This is a strange one. I had written a script to make a short film about two brothers, one who loved his dear deceased father and the other who knew about some damning details about him, leading him to defecating on his grave. The film would have ramped up into a piece about blackmail, as the shitty brother starts getting threatening messages about being a shitter.

We set out to the graveyard to film our scenes, but i had left the tripod back at the flat. Not wanting to waste the day, we filmed a home-video style piece that could be turned into…something. I had this riff lying around that i had no other ideas for other than the chorus being “fuck…you” over and over – and we decided to turn sam’s antics into a music video.

The result is what it is. I liked the VHS effect, but i should have kept the 3:4 aspect ratio. I had fun editing it, it distinctly reminded me of our first youtube video some 11 years back Danger, Danger High Voltage! in that it’s a video with Sam doing silly and random shit set to music. It’s probably something he gets a kick out of, because he always suggests to make one. I think the way forward is to edit like a DJ Douggpound song.

I understand it’s not for everyone. My brother was the first person i showed it to and he did not think it was funny. He thought it was kind of sad. After he said that i kind of realised that the setting is not altogether appropiate. He also hates MDE which Sam forced us to watch before we filmed this.

Until i met Hector, and he said he and Aiden had made the same journey up to Dean Graveyard and spent a couple hours drinking in there like teens. So it’s not just me that is still hanging in graveyards at the age of twenty six. I hope i can repurpose the film I wrote into something else. We are filming a pilot for a talk show soon (with no budget) and hopefully we can use some of the scenes in that. Like this poker scene where they’re all betting on this hentai doujinshi.

THE BUTCHER

The streets of Glasgow’s west end are full of unbearable hipsters and intense alcoholics. It’s only appropriate that we chose it as the location of our film The Butcher which is about an intolerable douche and his high school chum, who may or may not have homicidal tendencies. It features all the great locations of the city, like Anderston Crane…and the G12 union bar. This one was shot by the great Sam Rose, who is currently working on his pet project Death Police with conspirator Sam Mackeddie. More on that later. For now, enjoy the second part of the “tradesmen” trilogy, produced by the sumbarino brothers and Rose productions.

CANNON BOYS

Listen to me, I refuse to endorse stupidity in any way or form, but when it’s happening right in front of me I can barely look away. This was filmed in the downtime for our latest short, which will be out imminently.

Why Hollywood Won’t Cast Peter Carson Anymore

Not long ago, actor Peter Carson was at the top of his game, acting in multiple movie franchises and starring in his own TV show, but after a series of public outbursts painting him to be an outcast, the powers that be have been considering pulling the plug on his career in Hollywood. Best known for his starring role in ‘The Milkman’ and cult hit ‘Room 836’ Carson captivated audiences with his witty and emotional performances, but recently his career has hit a slump. Here at Bad Talk, we might have found out the answer.

THE MILKMAN – FIRST ANNIVERSARY

What? You didn’t see ‘The Milkman’? It’s one of the most revolutionary films in history! Recent history, of course. It’s been nearly a year since we set out to make Sam Mackeddie’s first short of 2016 – a series of short films that get worse and worse as the year goes on. However, with aid from Agent Sam Rose, Renaissance man Ray Syed, Playboy Matt Cameron, Primetime player Reetta Tihinen and Pete ‘Milkman’ Carson, there was enough competence from the hungover crew to complete this one and make it look all pretty and emotionally scarring. A year has passed and a lot has changed. We’ve all moved apartments, and lost each others phone numbers. I gained a lot of weight and got fat shamed on twitter. At least we have ‘The Milkman’ to remind us of a simpler time.

HARRY POTTER RETURNS! (RECUT)

Just one last thing before you go out for 2017. Harry Potter is back and bigger than ever, in his debut directors cut edition. That’s right, they’ve started the extended cuts, but only for specific films. This time it’s a new cut of the fourth film, arguably the first one to cut large chunks of the book out of the adaptation. With this latest edition, we will be able to bask in the original’s glory.

THE INTERVIEW WITH DAVIS DOCHERTY

Hello, and goodbye. The year is almost over,today being the only day of the year appropriate to say to someone “see you next year.” Isn’t it cheeky? next year is tomorrow! Other days, it sound so far away. Usually I get a bit soppy on new years but I don’t have any excuses to do that this year. Here’s a treat for you Hogmanay gay divorcees out there, a film about the exposure of a corrupt politicians. Riveting.

THE BEST YOUTUBE VIDEO IN THE UNIVERSE – GLASGOW DIAMONDS RAP

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This is one where when I saw it for the first time, I genuinely could not believe something so amazingly kitch and horribly thought out could even get to the production stage, and end up being an oddball portrait of Glasgow in those forgotten days of the 1980s. It’s surprising enough that they had an American Football team back then, but they had the moxie to rip off the “Chicago Shuffle” (as wot my good friend Stefanking69 says they did) and produce a music video. It stars a mustached man, who later moved apparently to go star in some Hollywood movies, but for the most part it displays a life that you couldn’t expect to ever exist in the land of the old firm. Cheerleaders outside of garages, a native team playing a foreign sport that nobody really understands. As they say they are from Glasgow, to play some football, but not the kind you expect from Glasgow. It’s the same thing you think everytime you heard about Scottish (American) Football teams, “Why?” At least the Diamonds were able to preserve the alien existence of American football on our cobbled streets through the medium of pop music, and provide us with this video which makes me so thankful that American Football is still only watched and played by Americans.