The Best YouTube Video in the Universe: Pingus The Thing

A claymation adaptation of John Carpenters The Thing. Why have I only seen this now.

 

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YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO マクロスMACROSS 82-99

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マクロスMACROSS 82-99 is a Vaporwave, Future-Funk artist with tunes that take you to a car driving down imaginary highways into oblivious bliss. There is euphoria in every corner of this funky, sexy music which draws influence from Japanese disco with beautiful engrish, neon covered cities and powerful synths. The pure joy that can come from listening toマクロスMACROSS 82-99 is rivalled only by their other comrades in the future-funk scene, like Yung Bae and Skylar Spence. The latest effort CHAM! is fantastic and is worth a listen from front to back, and is available from Bandcamp to download, but you can catch it here, streamed from good old soundcloud. Put down your full size body pillows and listen in, you lovely people. Your english is good.

 

https://soundcloud.com/macross-82-99/sets/cham-out-now-macross82-99

THE BEST YOUTUBE VIDEO IN THE UNIVERSE – PETEY GREENE’S WASHINGTON WATERMELON

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“I can’t understand why black people started eating watermelon in the closet”

Petey Greene was a civil rights activist, shock jock, and Emmy award winner, known for being one of Howard Stern’s influences. He got his start in prison radio after being convicted for armed robbery, becoming the most popular disc jockey in jail and getting him out in 1966, where he started broadcasting without bars. His show “Petey Greene’s Washington” was on for 6 years between 1976 to 1982 and became the most popular local cable show in Washington D.C. In this clip, Mr. Greene covers a range of topics, racism, guilt and the right way to eat a watermelon. From what people could say is enforcing a racial stereotype, Greene takes glee in debunking the stigma of being a black man who loves watermelon. It’s just a delicious fruit after all, and he refuses to let the images conjured up by white advertisers get him down. There’s also problems with adding salt, liquor, and other unnecessary ingredients that add nothing to the joy of eating a delicious fruit. Petey Greene shows us that there’s no shame in being who you are, even if you look like you’re enforcing stereotypes. As Freud once said “Sometimes a watermelon, is just a watermelon.”

Bad Movie Review: Robot Jox

Before I start, it is worth mentioning that I would prefer a million times over that an ambitious failure like this movie was made instead of Transformers 9 or another Sharknado. I refuse to watch Sharknado because it’s a ‘so bad it’s good’ film for people who don’t understand bad cinema. For me a ‘so bad it’s good’ film requires one thing the Sharknado family of films doesn’t have and that is unintentional laughs at scenes filmed in sincerity. Robot Jox has this along with some genuinely decent parts.

It is the future and everything is shit. Obviously, the worlds currency is now credits

The story: the year is blablablabla the Cold War didn’t end and war is outlawed. Instead the countries have one on one giant mech fights for territory. Imagine Pacific Rim made in the late 80s and that’s exactly what this movie is. It’s not terrible but still falls short of being good. The plot follows the main hero pilot called Achilles and his nemesis the evil Soviet robot pilot, Alexander. Maybe it’s spelled Aleksandr. Irrelevant anyway.

 

‘Ha ha ha! Fuck you America’

The robot fights are quite cool, done in janky claymation, sometimes with people in front of a green screen so you know the robots are super big. If I was younger and less cynical I would have been captivated by this but when I saw this with friends I was yelling ‘BOOOOO’ at the screen and trying to get a chant of ‘Bad Pacific Rim! Bad Pacific Rim!’ Going but everyone else had fallen asleep.

 

The boring hero of this adventure

This movie is notable because it was directed by Stuart Gordon, who has had a reasonably successful career. He made that movie Fortress I really like about future jail where the cell bars are lasers which got a sequel about space jail. I’ll come back to this another time. Robot Jox could easily have been elevated to great status with a different director. If Paul Verhoeven had taken the helm this would have been perfect. There’s a lot of opportunity for interesting satire that is never capitalised on, instead focusing on a Texan fat guy with a cowboy hat who wheezes out embarrassing one liners.

 

The robots were a bit cool, for me anyway

Favourite scene would have to be the indoor death playground. A subplot in the film is how Achilles is to be replaced by superhuman clone pilots called ‘tubers’ or some such. I think he fucks the main one, can’t actually remember. Anyway to test the tubers to find out which one should be the mech pilot they make them climb up a climbing frame to a hole in the ceiling. First one there wins! Unfortunately there are flashing red lights, an alarm and traps that couldn’t possibly be prepared for like bars that disappear resulting in multiple deaths. It’s as bad as it sounds. And that’s how they find the best tuber.
Entertaining enough. 3/5 stars.

The Best YouTube Video in the Universe: Shitty Romanian Music

Not much info to go on here, I did some googling and can tell you this. The song is about playing the bagpipes and girls coming. It’s Romanian and the guy who made it has a bunch of videos. His name is Sandu Ciorba and this video is fantastic and hypnotic.

FUCK MY

ASS

Crime: A Victims Perspective

I was burgled last week by disgusting criminals. Here’s what I have to say about it.

Crime. The worst thing of all. Crime. Crime isn’t necessarily a naked rapist running at you down an alley with pulsing genitalia, crime can come in many forms, from your house being broken into, to someone looking at you funny in an ATM queue. Crime is everywhere.

I came home yesterday to a shellshocked flatmate, looking at my broken front door with a thousand yard stare. I fell to my knees and whispered ‘tell me the Microsoft surface pro 3 is ok…’ But his grave face and stony silence confirmed the worst. It was gone. Along with my sick magnetic keyboard.

 

CRIME

I walked through those halls as I had a thousand times previously. But they had been changed, sodomised by crimes filthy penis. Defiled. By crime. When crime breaks into your house it touches everything. Even your freezer. This was evidenced by frozen chicken nuggets being scattered across the floor. For the second time in five minutes, I fell to my knees. And wept.

 

ILLEGAL

I wiped the tears from my eyes and crushed some chicken nuggets in my dramatically clenched fist. With every crime, must come justice. Unfortunately the junkie thieves were not still on my property to taste my breadcrumbed fist, so justice on this occasion will have to be getting drunk on cheap beer while the locksmith fixes my door and claiming insurance for my tablet. Crime has me beat this time. But next time, I’ll be ready. With a remote control car with a gun sellotaped to it or something.

Bad Movie Review: For Y’ur Height Only

Do you like James Bond? How about Filipino midgets? Well at some point in the (probably) 80’s someone had the idea of DYNAMICALLY FUSING the two into a movie about a midget referred to as double O (neé 7)

James Bond. Heroes come in ALL shapes and sizes. #bodypositive

I would like to make a small point here. This movie should have been called ‘For your size only’. That would have been a better pun.

The plot is largely generic. Agent double O is a midget who hangs around with a sex trafficked woman and tries to take down some sort of drug lord called Mr Giant who SPOILER ALERT is also a midget. Is midget the correct term? Dunno, I struggle to keep up with the SJWs at the best of times. The references and jokes about his height are kept to a surprisingly tasteful level.

 

uncomfortable sex scene with clumsy metaphors

The good and the bad parts of this movie are one and the same. My first favourite scene was the part where a modern drugs party is raided and all the attendees are wearing vests and smoking joints individually, holding the joints between the thumb and index finger, so you know they aren’t regular old legal cigarettes, dummy.
I kinda zoned out watching this movie, Agent Double O’s impressive Arsenal of ripoff James Bond gadgets got boring due to hammy special effects. There is a lot of action but virtually no blood, due to the films lacklustre budget. There’s a genuinely clever scene where he jumps out a window with an umbrella and safely lands. The movie should have had more of this. If you’re going to make a movie entirely about making fun of someone’s physical characteristics, you’re targeting a pretty niche market, so at least keep it consistent or even the midget haters will leave disappointed. The Wayans brothers have built an entire career with this motive.

 

Whee tiny litte jetpack!

The climax of the movie takes place on ‘Hidden Island’ where all the lame prop guns get replaced by M4s and a bunch of commandos with red berets and pictures of hamburgers on their jumpers roll up out of nowhere and start blasting. The woman gets killed and Mr Giant does too.

 

unnecessary weapons upgrade!

It’s not great. Has moments that are surprisingly well done. The dubbing is also horrible, and it seems like there is no undubbed version.
2/5 stars

Movies are too serious for their own good

The film industry is stuck in a quagmire of ‘dark reboots’ and superhero films and mainly a combination of the two. I’m sick of it. I hate going to see heroes (but they’re flawed heroes remember!) growl at each other before sending their foes to bloodless PG-13 deaths. I don’t go to the cinema to be reminded that the world is a miserable place where people pay taxes and get raped, I go to the cinema to be excited and enjoy myself. Even the films I like that I see nowadays don’t make me walk out the movies feeling like I had a good time.

Dont care. You shouldnt either

Starship Troopers did. If you haven’t seen it you should. Needlessly violent, funny, self aware and exciting. Short summary: future nazis bombard kids with propaganda for army. Kids join army and fight hideous spider aliens that bite people in half. Bad acting and ridiculous gore throughout. It works on so many levels. It’s an engaging action movie, it has fairly well thought out satirical elements about propaganda and unquestioningly serving your nations interests. Sound a little dark? Not really, it’s mainly shot at daytime with a cheerful colour palette. Contrasted with the fascistic nature of the society depicted and insane violence this gives the film a weird vibe, but a completely engaging and never depressing one.

 

Fuck yesssssssssss!!!

More movies should learn from this. You can carry a serious message with levity. In fact, most of the director Paul Verhoevens other films also do this. Robocop for example. I’m just sick of watching another Batman clone where everything is a shade of dark blue or orange and muscular (though never comically so) heroes talk tough at each other and deliver lines about things and oh I don’t care.

 

Funny!

Go watch Starship Troopers and be inspired to make something fun please Hollywood. Comedy and SERIOUS STORIES are not mutually exclusive. Experiment more!

 

best movie

 

March Mix for Bad Talk x Impulse

Get your brand awareness on. We here at Bad Talk have made a mix for our good friends at Impulse Magazine, a youthful, colourful rag about what it means to be a stylish person who is well informed and loves all of god’s creatures. It’s a entry level guide to Vaporwave, the internet’s hottest and slowest micro-genre. Big fans of the musical movement, we were surprised to hear that nobody we worked with at Impulse had any idea of what it was about, so we dropped them this mix, and now we’re dropping it here. Dropping bombs all over the place.

Relax while you fall down the rabbit hole of stolen synths, sincere voices, chip-tune bliss and funk.

WII SHOP REMIX by Nicky Flowers

YUNG BAE – YOUR LOVE IS GOOD

VAPORWAVE – Zuntyh

Loving is easy – death’s dynamic shroud.wmv

Milky Runners -リサフランク420 / 現代のコンピュー Macintosh Plus (8-bit RMX) .mp3

digital リラックス

Kid Yumi キッドテオ – Places that are far

MØ – Don’t Wanna Dance (Phazz Edition)

Skylar Spence – Tell me

Eliot the French Kid – Go On ダーリン

悲しい ANDROID – APARTMENT Modjo – Lady ( 悲しい ANDROID – APARTMENT Remix )

Bl00dwave – In love with U

コンシャスTHOUGHTS – Smooth Groove

Sebastian Tellier & A-Trak – Kilometer

/r/The_Donald – Genuine support forum or super meta 4Chan joke?

A rare donald appeared!
A rare Donald appeared!

The internet is at war with itself over the current political climate in the U.S, as the left and right shout down at each other, with neither listening to the opposite opinions. We just had to look up what SJW’s meant (Social Justice Warrior) which is alarming, as the rhetoric descends into a whirlpool of insults and accusations of racism,both left wing commentators using “Bernie Bots” to discredit followers of the Kind old Grandpa of the race, Bernie Sanders.

Trump has divided a nation and split the GOP, but it doesn’t mean anything when you can still make fun of the man on the internet on special place called 4Chan. The channers have been long supporting Trump on /pol/, the politics messageboard, and were ironically supporting him by crafting memes and support messages (Coining “Can’t stump the Trump!”), so much that Trump late last year sent them a Thumbs up for helping fight the good fight. Where to go next? 4Chan’s uptight younger brother, Reddit. While there is already a couple subreddits claiming to be the ‘official’ Trump domain such as /r/donaldtrump it lacks the huge surge in popularity  /r/The_Donald has been receiving over the past month, with over 90,000 subscribers.

rasv

Reddit is generally quite a liberal community, and when a right-wing sub gains traction, it’s hard not to be suspicious. The_Donald fits right into that category, which features some content that looks as though it’s pushing the agenda, and then a bizarre range of memes, ranging from ‘Fake-out’ quotes (“Barack Obama said that about Muslims?) to ‘Rare Donalds’ which are special Pokemon cardesque versions of the trumpster. Users of the forum are called ‘Centipedes’ and enemies are ‘cuckservatives’. The whole faux supporting Trump thing started off as a joke, but the offical Trump campaign has shared videos from The_Donald, and it has become one of reddit’s most viewed pages, with 52 Million views last month. The official Trump supporters are Furious, and can barely see the thing as a joke.

With 4chan trolls and with abusive moderators, our subreddit offers a clean alternative for those who want to maturely and appropriately discuss Donald Trump’s run for president.

We will be revamping some of this subreddit and how we operate in the coming days, but this is just an example of how bad the other Trump subreddit is becoming with abusive hypocritical moderators at the helm. It’s kind of like/r/VoteTrumpYouLoser!

Let’s Make America Great Again TOGETHER, not with tons of bans!

The opposing 4Chan reddit has responded to this earnest post with typical, good old fashioned trolling.

a small loan of a million trolls

It’s at a political balance that cancels itself out. Make a fake subreddit pretending to support the big guy, piss off all his supporters in the process. By doing this you bring a bit of levity to the whole political debate, in a time where everyone is down each others throats. At least this is a joke, and a funny one at that. It’s trolling for Trump, where everyone is probably of a liberal persuasion, but is sick of all the drama surrounding this year’s election. The constant bickering and protests and clashing – it’s headache inducing. So why not sit back and relax and look at some rare Donalds?

Rare Donald, date Unknown.
Rare Donald, date Unknown.