UNSEENBARINO : KEVIN SHARKMAN SMOKES SPICE GOLD

Sometimes, we film something and it doesn’t work out. Usually why this happens is down to alcohol. It makes you sleepy, makes you want to smoke fags all the time. This is what happens a lot during filming – as soon as someone cracks open a cold one, the lads give up and wreck the place. Enter the ‘Unseenbarino’ series of previously broken (shit) work by the Sumbarino Brothers. The gracious hosts at badtalk.net really don’t have much else going on, so we relish the partnership we have with the Sumbarino Bros. even if they don’t finish their drinks promptly after last orders.

The first entry is ‘Kevin Sharkman Smokes Spice Gold’ a vlog sent to the brothers by genuine youtuber Kevin Sharkman. It’s really hard to analyse such an in-depth and mesmerising character as Sharkman, but it usually comes down to his rebellious nature and don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. That view is not shared by others who claim that he is a “flat asshole of a character…basically no different to any other played by the bros.” Why wasn’t this edited before? It was too ambitious. There was plans for a rap song and a music video to go along with it – which were later scrapped for footage of a manchild getting spanked to the feelgood hit of 2000, Castles in the Sky” by Ian Van Dahl.  Fun fact : Castles in the Sky was No.3 in the UK charts, but in Scotland alone it was a No.1 single, the only place in the world where it got that premium ranking in the charts. We Scots sure do love our trashy eurotrance garbage. I’m not even slating the song, it’s catchy as fuck, but we as a people seem to just crave trance. It’s better than drugs.

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THE DISSOLUTION OF NANS ACT 2018

Have you heard? By early 2018 the United Kingdom will try and bump up it’s dystopia levels by discontinuing nans. Don’t worry though, if you have a nan, you can get them to register under the G.R.A.N protocol. It’s not what everyone wanted, but the Gran Lobby is getting very tough to control these days. Who thought 3 old ladies could hold 60% of the country’s power by running specific W.R.I halls in the Westminster area? It’s madness, I tell you. Let’s hope the Masons don’t clock on to this and get the ‘Big Papa’ involved.

The idea for this came from a mug that Nadia bought from the Sainsburys across the way. It was only 50p she said, not knowing what a nan was. But it is a nice little cup to have some tea in, just like grandma makes.

SCOTLAND.MPEG

I’m pretty sure neither Sam or me had any real ideas when we made this. He just picked up a bat and started saying dumb shit. There’s maybe another couple things like this in the editing pipeline, as YouTube is a fan of quantity, not quality. I can not describe what this has done to me psychologically. I have started to feel patriotic in places where I felt no patriotism before. I can confidently say that I’m immune from the ‘500 miles’ effect having lived by Easter road for a couple years, but Glasvegas…a band I used to have such disdain for because they ruined a perfectly good slang term for Glasgow…I’ve been singing that ‘Daddy’s gone’ song for a couple days now and not ironically. I used to think they were just another overproduced band from the overpopulated indie scene of the mid 2000s, I even made fun of the sad nature of it being a daddy issues song. But now I’m listening to it and enjoying it, and even thinking that the guy did an amazing job on the production. The accent being super weegie doesn’t even scratch me, or make me cringe like so many ‘Scottish cringe’ red flags have done so before. What is happening to me? Just a couple months ago I was telling Scotland fans at the six nations how much Scotland never did for me, how much I wanted as a kid to leave and start again somewhere else, somewhere that wasn’t here. Now I’m listening to old Glasvegas songs and actually liking my home country? Be warned : this could be the end of my only shred of personality folks. Check back near New Years Day to see if I’ve got an opinion on the latest ‘Only an Excuse’.

THE CARSON BLAZKOWICZ SHOW (PILOT)

O, Carson what have we done to deserve such majestic fuckery? Let me present the pilot episode of ‘The Carson Blazkowicz Show’. This is our submission into ‘Test Card’, a talent scheme by the Edinburgh TV Festival. I chanced upon an advert at this otherwise dull careers festival and went to see the boys afterwords who agreed to film this with me. It was this, or a completely scripted show which i don’t think we could have done on a budget of nothing. The result is what you see here, a weird talk show using the format as a way to push forward surreal comedy sketches. However, doing this has given us a little insight on what direction to take it from here. I hope that you enjoy this programme, and that you think it’s a good idea for us to continue making them. Otherwise, i’ll have to go back to trying to making Harry Potter fanfiction come alive in front of the greenscreen.

THE INTERVIEW WITH DAVIS DOCHERTY

Hello, and goodbye. The year is almost over,today being the only day of the year appropriate to say to someone “see you next year.” Isn’t it cheeky? next year is tomorrow! Other days, it sound so far away. Usually I get a bit soppy on new years but I don’t have any excuses to do that this year. Here’s a treat for you Hogmanay gay divorcees out there, a film about the exposure of a corrupt politicians. Riveting.

ROOM 836 – a Sumbarino short

Although we made it over a month ago now, I neglected to make a post about ROOM 836 because I didn’t want to draw attention to my ‘cumshot’ scene at a time I was being vetted for a political position. Now that I’ve officially been canned for the position of ‘Provost of Edinburgh’, I’ll talk about what the fuck I like. COCK!

I had done a superior version (slightly) but it was forever lost after a sound blip ruined the final scene. I’m happy with 836 though, a concept that Sam M. came up with a couple years back and I tried to adapt to fit the apartment I stay in. I really enjoyed editing it as much as filming it – and I hope that you have fun with it too.